i hate having to be the grown up. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i'm freaked out n scared n upset n angry...and there's just nothing that i can do about it...yet...till the 9th of october. i'm trying to be nice...i swear...infact i have been trying, for quite some time now. yes, it is a concerted effort. i dont trust myself to be spontaneous anymore. why cant he see it? why cant i make him understand me? why in fuckin god's name am i so impatient?