Saturday, November 10, 2007

but i couldnt find it on google meh meh meh...democracy shmemocracy meh meh meh...but he pushed me meh meh meh...five pounds twenty meh meh meh...china meh meh meh...she didnt call me meh meh meh...
i found mile sur mera tumhara on youtube. i used to love that as a kid. i also found jungle jungle pata chal hai, chaddi pehenke phul khila hai.
stephen colbert is awesome. man! the look on Bush's face as he got his guts ripped out by that man!
The Economist sucks arse. i mean it doesnt actually...but as far as i am concerned it does. And as far as all the other pretentious farts are concerned it does. Sue me.

I am sorry though. i didnt mean to. sometimes, you just stare at the Sun for a long time...either thinking about something, or pretending to...and then when you look away after a while, your eyes cant focus on anything. You lose focus. what do you do then? close your eyes. Wait to get your focus back. you have to close your eyes for that.


Sunday, October 28, 2007

blogging feels weird..probably because i havent done it in SO long. since my last post and now, so many things have changed. it really does feel weird.

i have to say, i feel more grown up-ish now than i used to back in Cal. Cardiff, banking, cooking, new classes, Welsh beer, men, cleaning my toilet, assignments, house keys...they all add to the adult quotient in some strange way.
i'm not complaining though. i'm done with that. and besides...its not all bad. i'm gettin used to this way of life i suppose.

the london crew's visit yesterday was cool. made the room feel like home. even though four of us camped out in that 1 was nice. i wish we could do it more often.

i wanted to write something about this place...but i dont really know how to start so i'll tell you later.

i've been watching a lot of pirated stuff of late...on the internet and it doesnt really hurt my conscience. i cant afford a TV license. i've gone back to listening to the radio. my mother sent me a portable one from india. i thought of buying one here, but then freaked out after the conversion. i'm a student...i'm officially allowed to be a cheapskate.
we're gonna be using several different softwares for our editing work. thats bloody freaking me out. i am a retard when it comes to computers. seriously.

dont u love muri dalmut? i have it every evening after getting home from college. my friends back home call me gnaiya...but c'mon. i mean...when you're away from home, these are the little things that you miss the most.

last weekend i went to london for Pujo. we went to this little Indian restaurant for lunch...and had chana batura, dahi vada, and lassi. i swear it felt like a piece of heaven!

my dad called me up from our dalan so i could har the sund of the dhak. it made me feel worse, for being away and i cried in my room for nearly an hour.
this is the crappy part: being away during Pujo. next year, come what may, i'm going to be in Cal for Pujo. i swear.

i'm reading a very cool book called Al Qaeda: the true story of radical islam. the research is excellent. its by this journalist called Jason Burke. he was actually out there in Afghanisthan with the militant groups after the war. read it if u can.

i'll put up a few pictures of my room when i can. i have some pretty neat posters. i feel like a teenager again...what wit posters, and other pinned up stuff on my board. i have loads of pics too. loads and loads of them.

incidentally i'm the youngest in my class. that also means that i'm the dud with zero work experience. i mean there are some people with 15 years of work exp. i wonder how old they are, and why they decided to come to

anyway...i wrote more than i thought i would...gotta go. time


Thursday, March 01, 2007

this new blog upgradation thing is stupid and unnecessary for most normal people....but for computer (un) savvy folks like me...its harrassment of the first order! they directed me from one page to another, and when i finally managed to access my blog, i didnt remember a thing they'd said earlier.

well anyway...first things first. i've finally joined driving school...much to my father's woe. (the man is convinced that i will destroy his car) i mean i'd been putting it off since class 12...but now...yipeee! i almost hit a man on my first day...but other than that i drove pretty well.

shorty bitch and smarty bitch are galavanting around in bombay at the moment, and my other friends are doing other very important things with their getting into MBA programmes, designing all kinds of beautiful clothes etc etc etc. o n my sister's moving to london. (what fun!)...but, but, but....i'm not sitting idle myself....i'm making (several) very significant changes in my life...

for starters, i'm taking inspiration from cosmopolitan magazine! O.. dont even think about rolling your eyes, screwing up your nose and muttering "ditzy"...i tell you, i've learnt more from that magazine, than all my 17 yrs of education put together. health, sex, money matters, fashion....whatever your query may relate to...cosmo knows it all!

no seriously though...i quit some of my major bad habits after reading cosmo...

a) for almost a week now, i'm sleeping without my nightlamp on...something that would've been unimaginable to me earlier. i was scared of the dark. now, miraculously, i've stopped being scared. say what u like, but i call it an achievement.
b) i'm going for evening walks everyday, with my dad. okaay...this has 2 great advantages: you gradually lose weight, AND you get to bond with daddy!
c) i've actually stopped giving a shit. no more pretending. you try to make something try...after a point if u see that its not gonna happen...just drop it. seriously. anything...any relationship...whether romantic, or platonic shouldnot cause more grief than joy...nothing's worth so much stress
d) i have (i think) finally said 'bye' to the cancer stick. i mean...if its an odd joint at somebody's place...thats fine..rite? but other than that, ciggies are out of my life. mr. chidambaram infact helped me make up my mind, by hiking fag prices.
e) i've drastically cut down on the time that i spend, wallowing in self pity. now i allow myself just one, 20 min (approx) attack a day. o and i'm SO not jealous of the wonderful things that people i know are doing...i've cut down on that too. as jennifer aniston would say..."i'm 80% happy for them!"

but there's one thing that not even cosmo could help me with. my intrinsic propensity to snoop. i'm snooping all the time, and coming across all kinds of ...(cliche alert..) 'demons from the past'. why the hell do i do it? why cant i just leave it be?...o well

i got loads of study material from Gem today. since i'm not gonna touch my part 2 books before mid march, i might as well read this crap load now.

on a completely arbit note...its day 10 today...all i can say is, we're both crazy!

i love steinbeck. did i ever tell you i love steinbeck? i'm gonna read (on jat yamla's recomendation) all the short stories that i can find. i still cant decide which i like better though...'of mice and men', or grapes of wrath...i want to be a truck driver for a while

o by the way shorty, n sudu...if u guys are reading this...JY's last class was pheno-bloody- menal! i'm..(blushinging profusely) in love all over again...will give u the details when i see you! he said something that he's NEVER said before! that we've established that i'm sycophantic...we can move on to something else... mom's getting hyper...i have to go for bye..more later


Saturday, November 25, 2006

god...i havent blogged in SOOOOOO LONG!!! but u know doesnt really matter coz i didnt/dont have much to say anyway. i mean, nothing exciting happens to me, and its not like people hang on to every arbit syllable that i utter its all good.
the results came out on friday...and i made a FOOL of myself (yet again) in front of a thousand people, by howling and...getting generally hysterical. shorty called me a drama queen... people keep calling me that...for some reason.
well anyway, now that the damn marks are finally out, i HAVE to make up my mind about what i'm going to do with my kori??
u know what....i really wouldnt mind doing menial say...cotton picking, or driving a truck, or working in a garage...i mean...its tough work, but i think i'll enjoy it... its not just a grapes of wrath hangover.
shorty made pancakes for me and nice!
nowadays, food is the only thing that keeps me going..i mean, i feel truly happy after/in anticipation of a good that u think?
when we were in school, bakery carnival was SUCH a big deal...we'd dress up, and go together, and giggle, and flirt, and dance and be oooooober chicky. but last year, i just realised that i'd got out of my bloody teens...everything seemed so dull and boring and aaaaaaaaaaah! so i went and got drunk, and embarrassed myself, and my friends...(sigh!) this year...i dont want to go, but a really old friend is coming down, so it'll be like a reunuion i might just...
weddings freak me out...seriously. i mean, its fun and everything...with the food, and the bashor and sangeet but, when the girl is leaving, and everybody starts crying and getting upset, and the bridegroom looks almost guilty....shit!... thats just scary...i mean, marriage itself is something that i'm not comfortable discussing, but even the damn ceremony is intimidating!
when i got my guitar, i went on pretending to play it for hours...just so i could sing "i played it till my fingers bled"...i lame was/am i??!
annnnnyway...i have to go now....more (boring stuff) later.

Friday, October 27, 2006

"they only want you when you're 17. when you're 21,you're no fun"...
...lets just face it and then move on with our miserable lives, shall we?

Friday, October 20, 2006

this is my first rangoli. i'm extremely prod of it. infact i yelled out to everybody (including our dhopa) who was passing our baronda to come and see my work of art. na but seriously...its not too bad for a 1st attempt is it?

i've been getting spoilt all day...god! i love being an SRK!

o...n btw...HAPPY DIWALI!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i hate having to be the grown up. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i'm freaked out n scared n upset n angry...and there's just nothing that i can do about it...yet...till the 9th of october. i'm trying to be nice...i swear...infact i have been trying, for quite some time now. yes, it is a concerted effort. i dont trust myself to be spontaneous anymore. why cant he see it? why cant i make him understand me? why in fuckin god's name am i so impatient?

Monday, September 18, 2006

people kept telling her she was weird. some said it jokingly. others, meant it. a part of her too, thought she was weird. she'd do the...well...weirdest things. like, when someone was sleeping, she'd stop next to him and check to see if he was breathing or not. all the time. she kept an extemely tattered pink-turned-grey blanket under her pillow, and refused to get rid of it even though it stank.

it was one of those days when the weather just drives you insane. she was sweaty, sticky, and probably smelled. she didnt do much work though. it was just...a lot of things...

she didnt really like beer, but drank it anyway. she just wanted to get high...for some reason. there was no sex ofcourse; just a pleasant light headedness. yes, and she smoked pot too.

she'd realized that a little part of her detested him...for his dependance; his inactivity; his silence...his goddamn silence; his keno lottery tickets; his uncomprehending look; his helplessness. another part of her, hated her for detesting him.

krum didnt know this. he thought he had her all figured out,...but by god, he didnt know this. she wanted to tell him, but couldnt. she felt guilty...some kind of an imaginary line would be crossed by telling him. they discussed Prufrock instead.

krum told her that she played victim all the time. she did too...most of the time. not consciously though. you never do these things consciously. hell who knows...

thackeray was another problem. he would have probably argued, that it was her whole victim jazz, but she really thought he was messing up. in a big way. he had an accident and broke his leg. she completely forgot to call him later.

she had a dream about the guy who molested her when she was young. just his face. it was pretty random after all these years. she couldnt remember what he was doing in the dream. saying something?...staring?...

cricket wasnt as interesting as it used to be. she didnt even bother finding out the scores. the newspapers took take of that, the next morning. she now liked football more. it was faster, crazier, and she finally understood the rules. she wanted to play the rain.

she tried crying, but couldnt. infact, she thought of the saddest things that had happened to her, and to people she knew, but just couldnt cry. it was almost exasperating!

the army really freaked her out. men in uniform were hot...make no mistake about that; but she never wanted to be married to an army guy. the mere thought, was unsettling. her ex had made up a very stupid song about kargil after the war. it was actually funny.

the day was just too hot...for anything. the beer and weed combination had the desired effect. she sang the first two lines of a coldplay song about twenty five times, after which they had to give her another joint, to make her shut up. for some reason, she felt insulted at this. she started crying; and for some reason, couldnt stop.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Cary, Vicky and Prishita got into a fight. Vicky's just really really them both. but its two against one (...well almost), and so there's nothing much that can be done about that. Cary's at her whimpering best, and Prishita just went and hid herself behind a 'graphitti', so now Vicky has no idea what to do. maybe shaking her by the shoulders would've been a good idea.

Prishita liked smoking marlboros, but couldnt afford them on a daily basis. silkcuts were cheap. they looked cheap, tasted cheap, smelled cheap, felt cheap. Prishita smoked them from time to time. that little pseudo shop on park street, opposite trincas, is where she bought them from.

whenever they got into a fight, Vicky called Prishita a bitch, and a wannabe, and she called him an arrogant prick. Cary just continued with her whimpering.

Vicky would never admit it, but he was always on his guard around Krum. he couldnt be as comfortable around him as the two girls. maybe it was because, he thought Krum knew him too well. Vicky liked to believe that he was difficult to figure out. it made him feel different, in a better-than-the-others kind of way.

Vicky liked Thakeray. he wanted the grils to hang out with the man, but Cary was too shy. Prishita talked to Thakeray, but got into her cosmo girl gossip more often then not, and pissed him off.

When it came to projects, Vicky was always the leader, and the job was usually successful, unless one of the girls got too sick, or just refused to cooperate. the main problem was with Cary. the girl had simply no confidence whatsoever. Krum once asked her about some artist or his works, or something like that. she just shrugged, knowing all along, the artist's name, and most of his works. Krum obviously thought she was stupid.

nothing much happened after that. they went on with their lives. Vicky had sudden flashes of creativity, but for the most part sat in his armchair and solved sudoku over a cup of coffee. Cary told herself and everybody else who would listen, how unfair life had been to her. Prishita...went shopping...i suppose.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

i donno why i went and got that STUPID i look like a bloody spaniel. initially i was trying to console myself by being in denial...but thats not working any more. people shouldnt take too much "bhaao"....thats just're waasting your own time...and mine.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

the one thing that i truly love doing is giving people advice....seriously...gyan gyan and more gyan. just ask me, and i'll give u as much of it as i can. problems at home, love issues, ego hassles, feeling crappy for being alive....whatever your reason may be,...never fear when preeta is near. the funny thing is that, when it comes to myself...thats when my down-syndrome-affected self takes over, and i'm pretty much lost.
i mean, say i tell a friend not to worry abt something, or to just take it attitude changes when it comes to myself.
the lousiest thing is having to pretend in front of your best friend or closest friends...i mean if ur pissed off at them, n u cant really say anything. then again, my expectations maybe too high...i dont know, if something's up with my friends, i'd expect n hope that they'd confide in me, n not some random arsehole that they meet, or once knew, or whatever. i mean its all very well to get ur ego into this, say that u dont give a flying fuck...but honestly...who are u kidding?
u start wondering why u give a damn abt some people, when they obviously dont care two boots abt u...what do u do then?...just get on with life i suppose...go watch a movie together, or bond over a cosmo, or go out for rolls...i dont normal...?
they wouldnt even have known each other had it not been for u...and now all of a sudden you're left out of it...i mean seriously...what the fuck?
i hate it when it rains...i detest monsoon...when i move out of cal, i want to go somewhere that it never ever rains...
some people just make u lose your advice to you...stay away from them...seriously...please...avoid them. i'll tell u why...when they're gone...(n they eventually will, no matter what they tell u or u say to urself)... a part of u (that has been so totally affected my them) goes away as well.
anyway, this is completely arbit n totally whatever...

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 hey...people dont really read blogs nowadays...not mine at any rate, so technically speaking, i'm posting this for myself...i mean to read myself, when i'm bored stiff, and have absolutely NOTHING better to do with my dreary life. things are a little weird right now. i dont want to get all super-personal, and make this uninteresting post even more pointless, and vague. but...i'm a lot of different things all at once...relieved, worried, excited, bored, jealous, not-jealous...u know...a lot of totally contradictory things.
cannot wait for this week to get over though....its been too long(in every sense) gee, i dont week means bangla exams...n i'm NOT looking forward to that. as per calcutta university rules, boys n girls have to write their exams in different colleges,... so tanaji and i cant help each other in the hall like we usually do. i dont get these idiots...i seriously dont. do they think kids are gonna start makin out if they're in the same room or what?! i mean honestly...its just retarded.
achha this whole accessing-blogs-via-ninja-proxy thing is getting really irritating. is this a permanent thing?...does anybody know?
o well...

Friday, July 14, 2006

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you,
Love, in fire and blood.

-Pablo Neruda

i dont know wat happened to the damn format...but doesnt this totally remind u of "with or without you"?...bad, bad Bono!

Monday, June 05, 2006

ok so...i've finally got into the whole pre-exam groove...or atleast i hope i have... at any rate! honestly, even that is a big deal for me. the last few days have been CRAZY. my lil nephew just looks at me, n i feel like leaving everything i'm doing n start playing with him! that apart, lunch/dinner invitations, cold wars n astrological predictions have been taking up most of my time. yeah...dont roll your eyes. there was this astrologer cum magician cum mathematician cum psychic at my place the other day. he told me the strangest things, including the fact that i'll screw up my part 1 exams. ki aar bolbo!
sudu, shorty, n i did some group studying know, just sorted out what we need n will actually study. after about half n hour of "sorting"we hogged biryani....o and then her psychotic neighbour starting yelling her lungs out, n hurling abuses at her we went to sudu's chhaat, n basically enjoyed the drama. yes...i know...we are sad.
my sister is very pretty. that was random i know...but its true. faltu boast korchhina...she spite of the post baby flab. i look like malinadi next to her. (malinadi used to wash dishes at my place)
this new network rather cool. i found several of my old school friend there, as also one of my favourite teachers...mrs. philip.
o and...did i happen to mention that i've become completely computer savvy now?...really.. i installed our new webcam on my own...that is undoubtedly my greatest achievement till date. but obviously i had to go spoil my image by behaving like a total gaiya bhoot the other day. we have this software called skype, thru which we can talk to ppl online. i had never used it before yesterday. just when i was checking my mail, a male voice said "hello". i practically jumped out of my chair, n freaked the hell out. even after i'd realised who it was and what exactly was going on, i was clueless, and said 'hello' like a hundred times!
i'm obsessed with blueberry cheesecake again...have you tried the one at biscotti...its way better than the one they serve in itc sonar bangla.
i've very motivated right do things...lots of things. life post college, or studies, scares me. ki hobe ke jaane. this astrologer looked at me like i had a very bleak future. when asked him about my future financial situation, he coughed and then asked me to concentrate on my studies. subtle, wasnt that?
jaihok, i gotta go. this cheesecake craving is driving me nuts!

Monday, March 27, 2006

“…What I am essentially trying to say is that, not one of us is completely sane…I mean, there’s a little bit of insanity in all of us. The only difference is that, in some people it’s more pronounced and clearly defined…”

The car stopped in front of her house. She got out, and then waving back to her best friend, ran up the front door steps, and closed the door behind her. She’d made a habit of doing this ever since she was a child- rushing into the house, anytime after dark if she was alone. Not that she was scared of anything, but…it was just one of those little quirks that people have.

She dropped her bag and keys on the table, and took out a can of diet coke from the fridge. Pouring it into a glass, she remembered about the curtains. Just that morning she had realized that she detested the colour of the curtains. She’d have to get new ones soon. Funny, how she hadn’t noticed it all this while.

She changed into her pajamas, and drawing a blanket, settled on the couch. The movie channels usually played good movies at this time of the night. Surfing the channels, she found one, which played ‘basic instinct’, and another, ‘the specialist’. It was like a ‘sharon stone’s nudity’ marathon!

She took a sip from her glass, and took out her cell phone from her bag. Her inbox was almost out of space, so she decided to delete a few messages. After sorting, and deleting a few, she read (what was now) message 84. It was received early last year, and she read it everyday, ever since. She deleted the next few, and then started playing ‘snake’. Her highest score till date was 1995. Try as she might, she just couldn’t get to 2000.

The tickets for tomorrow’s dance recital were kept inside an envelope on the table. She considered telling her cousin that she hadn’t received them, but then remembered that the courier guy had her signature on his delivery receipt. Damnit!

Taking another sip of coke, she couldn’t help smiling to herself, as she reflected on her conversation with her best friend, on their way home. Poor Josh! Dumped again, and back to reading psychological thrillers. She decided to talk to him about this sometime. “…there’s a little bit of insanity in all of us…”. Well, at any rate, it was true in Josh’s case!

She remembered the time when her friends had wanted to “fix her up” with him. She’d been so mad at them…and embarrassed. Embarrassed because she knew exactly how Josh felt about her, and also that she’d never feel the same way about him…

Coming out of her reverie, she wondered whether procrastinating was a good idea when she had so much work to do. Her meeting with her publishers was due, tomorrow evening; which left her with just the morning in which to complete her article. Good thing that she used Microsoft Word for all her writings she thought; otherwise it would have taken her a whole day to type out everything.

With this prick of conscience, she forced herself up from the couch, and reluctantly went to her study. Sitting on the rotating chair, waiting for the computer to boot, she heard a loud, shrilly voice. ‘Here we go again’, she thought to herself as she grimaced. It was her neighbour…an old, senile woman, who’d probably been a teacher or a head mistress back in the day. Every night, she’d have these little fits and shout at her walls. ‘I don’t want to hear anyone talking’, ‘I’m getting angry’, ‘I will talk to your mother about this when I see her’. The admonitions would go on.

After what seemed like an hour, she still hadn’t made any progress on the article. Frustrated, she decided to call it a night. She’d just turned off the bed lamp when her neighbour started screaming again…louder. Making up her mind, that enough was enough she decided to call the old hag, and ask her to shut up.

When she called, there was no answer on the other end. The screaming, next door however, continued. Covering her ears with her pillow, she squeezed her eyes shut, and tried to sleep. Fortunately, her neighbour probably got tired of her own voice, and after a few more minutes, stopped shouting. Tired, and relieved by the silence, she fell into a deep sleep.

When she woke up the next morning, her mother was standing next to her. She held a box of kellog’s chocos in her hand. She smiled; and returning her smile, her mother sat down next to her. Stroking her daughter’s hair, she told her how beautiful she was. She was pleased. She was always pleased when people called her beautiful.

They chatted for a long time…about this and that. Her mother related a particularly funny anecdote, and she laughed till her sides hurt. Just when they were laughing like this, her neighbour walked into her room. Extremely surprised and taken aback by this unexpected entry, she didn’t know what to say. Her mother however looked perfectly calm and composed.

‘Its time for your medicine’, her neighbour said in the voice that made her grimace everytime she heard it. Still bewildered, she kept quiet. The neighbour produced a spoon and a bottle out of nowhere. Then she poured an amber coloured liquid from the bottle to the spoon, and walked decisively closer to her.

Now her bewilderment gave way to fear, and she turned to her mother for help. But her mother just stood up and smiled sweetly at her. In the meantime, the old neighbour had moved closer still, and now held the spoon barely two inches from her mouth.

‘C’mon now, open up…I haven’t got all day’, her neighbour said, and began to push the spoon into her mouth. She resisted frantically, and tried to move the spoon away, with her hands. But when she tried to move her hands, she found her mother holding them tightly. In another instant, her neighbour had forced the spoon into her mouth. Even as she fought desperately, she could feel the liquid trickling down her throat. Then…she had a black out.

The old lady looked at the mother and sighed. ‘I’m sorry you had to see this Mrs. Sinha. She was doing so well these last couple of days…’ The mother started crying, and then the two women, walked out of the room and locked the cell door.

When she came to again, it was probably early afternoon. Cursing herself for having overslept, she jumped out of bed. There was a box of kellog’s chocos on the table. She opened the box, and munched on the cereal as she waited for the computer to boot. It was then that she noticed the curtains. Just that morning she had realized that she detested the colour of the curtains. She’d have to get new ones soon. Funny how she hadn’t noticed it all this while.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

ok, so...the election comission has either totally LOST it, or is on a major power trip. our part 1 exams (the honours papers) are officially starting on the 11th of july! can you fuckin believe these punks? i mean seriously..what is wrong with them? just because they have no kind of life or identity beyond the four miserable walls of their miserable office, they've just assumed that the rest of the world is as miserable, and sad, and loser-ish, and goddamn wretched as they are. i mean...if you've made any plans during that know a vacation thing, or an internship or...the occasional meeting up with the old school friends programme...sweetie you can just kiss everything goodbye. i a government body can be so bloody inefficient is just beyond me.
achha...this post makes no sense...i'm just angry...about a lot of things....and livid about this stupid postponement.
every once in a while, do you feel like you need to get yourself a shrink?....or atleast, you know....some sort of a councellor or someone who will listen to you first and then tell you whats wrong.....but then it shouldnt be in a condescending or pedantic way...just adult-to-adult talk...know what i'm sayin? well.
i made stir fried corn the other day. other than the fact that it was a little raw n crunchy, tasted good. i was also thinking of baking a cake, but how do u bake cakes without eggs? i've never done that. (i know, i know...useless piece of info no.163) i donno why i keep doing that.
the other day, i went out with some of my old school friends. know this churan shop called raman's in forum? so, the owner of the shop knows me pretty well, as in we say hi to each other n stuff. so the other day, me n my friends walked into the store, and one of my friends started tasting the diferent churans that they have laid out on th table. so naturally...we all followed suit. after tasting abt 6 different types, we finally bought a chocolate n came out. now...i had already walked across to the store on the right to check out this amazing shoe. when my friends came along, they said the store guys had made some comment abt us tasting everything n then just buying a choc. we were totally embarrassed, n when we saw the owner walking into the shoe store that we were in, we just ran for it, not knowing what to do. my friend joyee, n me...idiots that we are just hurried into the giny n johnny store, n tried to hide there! the owner guy was then pacing up n down in front of his store(we know this coz we peeped out of the store!) well anyway, aftyer abt 10 mins of 'hiding', we decided enough was enough, n came out, n thankfully my friend dipa who was looking for us, called me just then, n we crossed the owner guy, pretending to have a very serious phone covo, n not for once looking up at him!!!!!
now that u've very rightly inferred that i'm crazy, we can get better aquainted!
saw a pretty cool sean penn movie today....forgot the name...its directed by clint eastwood...speaking of whom...i saw million dollar baby the other day....yes first time.
anyway, aar kichhu as such bolar more later...

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

so finally, my exams got over yesterday. bugged sudu n shorty all the way back from college (...hey u guys...sorry abt that!) now, i'm basically stuck at home doing nothing for the next...umm..three n a half months. but hey...i'm not cribbing. seriously,...doing NOTHING at home is so much better than studying kapalkundala, or anything else for that matter.
i got out of bed at 2 pm today (ok...stop rolling your eyes......i went to sleep at 5 in the morning). then i lazed around all day, and pampered myself with a trip to the parlour. this is the life!
i wish i had a plane of my own. i mean not for luxury's sake....but its just so convenient to move around from one part of the world to the other. tai na? oof! amar aar bhalo lagchena. you know the feeling when you find yourself in a terrible situation, that you can do nothing about? dont you feel helpless? i mean, there's just no fuckin drives you mad....i'm telling of these days it actually will drive me mad.
o well...aar ki kora jaabe. i'm leaving for delhi on the 18th i if these mass com profs dont come up with another clever idea to screw me over. if they do, then seriously i dont care....i cant keep changing my travel plans on their whims and fancies.
have you ever had maharani'r cha n jilipi? if yes, then isnt it the best in the world?...and if no, then...dude...seriously, you're missing out on the good things in life.
i've decided to learn swimming this summer ( na seriously, this year round, i WILL bring myself to learn...i swear!)
anyway...i've got a call...gotta go...ttyl

Saturday, February 25, 2006

shorty n i pose for the pic, while camera-shy new dog looks away.

Friday, February 24, 2006 i've almost made it through these stupid exams...alive! still got 2 more to go though. but its ok...aar kichu eshe jaina. had a lot of fun today with sudu, shorty n tdg. took some really cool pics all over my house, and tried to capture the typical satyajit ray look! wish we had a videocam with us today...we could've shot something nice.
i broke my new year's resolution today and got high on smirnoff....but hey c'mon,...i hadnt touched alcohol in the last 2 months!
you know...its strange, but...there are some people in life, who you always wanna see being taken care of, no matter what. i mean, even if you fight, or argue or perhaps hate them at the end of the day, u wanna see them safe and settled. i know this was completely arbit, and probably made no sense to you, but just emni...i had to say it.
on a lighter note...i had taught my two-year old nephew to say "arsehole" when he was here in december. now, whenever i call him, thats the name he calls me by!....can u believe the irony of it!
saw the movie "rebecca" the other day. its nice...but the book is SO much better. achha dont you think lawrence olivier imitates clark gable? tdg said its probably the other way round...but janina. i'm personnaly a little biased about gable, though i've heard vivien leigh had major problems about kissing him in 'gone with the wind'....the man apparently suffered from very bad breath!!! ebaba :-(
these bloody exams have totally screwed up my system. now i cant sleep at night no matter how tired i am....just cant go to sleep till atleat 5 in the morning.
i thought i'd put up one of the pics that we'd taken today, but dont have the enthu anymore. maybe tomorrow... jaihok, the smirnoff's had its effect on me...i'm gonna go hit the sack. kalke abar its back to 'koplakundala', and 'battleship potemkin', and...whatever...the rest of it. tdg...i'm telling you, you we'll flunk bangla...again!
o btw guys...i HAVE to tell you this. a few drinks down, all four of us got hold of my mother's cd, and listened to rabindrasangeet for like half n hour or something! i mean...does alcohol, bring out your cultural side or something?! food for hought. well anyway...ttyl

Friday, February 03, 2006


Monday, January 23, 2006

All About Them

“ …You know… Jim Morrison was apparently quite a pervert”, she announced.
“ Oh really?”, he scoffed, “and who may I ask was your valuable source of information?”
“ The world wide web”, she replied, ignoring the sarcasm.
He answered with a grunt
“ The article said that he basically slept with anything with a vagina”, she informed him, and then went back to what she was doing to his ear.

When she dragged him along to the mall, he sulked the entire time…just like she’d thought he would. To further his embarrassment, she asked him to choose between two stilettos that she was buying. He gave her the dirtiest look that his facial muscles could manage, and walked across to the nokia store on the right.

That evening he suggested that they both go on a vacation, but she declined, because of a deadline that she had to meet at work. He tried to persuade her, but she wouldn’t comply; tempted though she was. In the end he let it go.

The next day his ex called to ask for a friend’s phone number that she had misplaced. After giving her the number, he asked her how she was, and they spoke of this and that for about half an hour. When he hung up, she was sitting on the couch, reading a very tattered ‘oliver twist’… a book she hated. He sat down next to her and tried to hold her hand, but she quickly got up, saying that she had to take a shower and gave him a list of the bills that had to be paid.

Halfway through dinner, he asked her what was wrong. She gave him a questioning look, in reply, and then continued eating. That was the end of the conversation, as far as either of them were concerned. Later that night, they made love.

Two days before the world cup, he explained the rules of football to her… perhaps for the tenth time. When she still looked confused, he told her it was incredible how she understood a far more complicated game like cricket, but just couldn’t get the hang of football!

On their girls’ day out, she and her friends went to the bridal-wear store, where they were giving a flat 25% discount on every purchase. Each of them tried on some piece of jewellery. She picked up a platinum ring, with a solitaire set on it. This was it. When she got engaged, this was the ring she wanted. It looked perfect on her-even her friends thought so…

When she reached home that evening, she tried to drop him a hint, by saying how much she’d liked a particular ring at the store. He nodded his head and then, asked her to pass him the book of sudoku puzzles. She changed into her night-clothes and went to sleep.

For their second year anniversary, she gave him the cologne that he’d run out of, and he bought her a state-of-the-art cellphone with so many features, that it would take her a month, to discover all of them. That night, they had a quiet dinner, and then danced for hours with their arms around each other.

Three months later, when she moved out of his apartment, he was at the club, playing golf. By the time he got back, she’d left. She had forgotten to take her toothbrush, and a set of night-wear that was in the dryer.

When she met him at the market the other day, he was wearing a new pair of glasses. She, he noticed had got a new haircut. When he asked her out for coffee, she refused because she had to meet a client. He didn’t try to persuade her and they left it at that.

They both got on with their lives ofcourse. She joined a new firm, and he started seeing someone else. Once in a while, they met at a common friend’s party and made polite desultory conversation… and so it went.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

today was yet another useless was a drag as usual, with 2 back to back periods with christina mirza (...and i actually live to tell you about it!) i bunked the last two classes and came back home, only to find a guest in my house...a guest who plans to stay with us for the next 4 days...i have to give up my room and my pseudo privacy for over a hundred hours...i hate this! i absolutely detest this! why do some people have to impose themselves on others?...well anyway, no point brooding over it...
i read this really cool article on jim morrison...god! the man is SO bloody HOT! i hate to think that he's two years older than my father!!
i feel like doing something so wild that i dare not put it up on my blog...sudu, and shorty...since you know what it is...what do i do???!! you ever feel like that? know...feel like doing something just on an impulse...something thats so crazy that you feel embarrassed to even talk about it? i do...very often. is that a bad thing?
i'm going to delhi for four weeks...yeah! yeah! god! i wish the bloody selections would get over fast...cant wait to see my lil baby.
i'm contemplating whether or not to attend college 2mrw. i mean it's such a waste of time. at home, i can atleast pretend like i'm studying by copying notes and stuff ...right?!
i feel like fast forwarding my life to 2009/2010...i mean roughly 5 years from know...just take a peek at my then life...see what i'm doing, where i'm living, how fat i'm looking...
anyway, thats all for now...catchya later

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

dont you just HATE it when you technically have a lot to do, and yet you end up getting bored with life, because you're not too keen on doing what you ideally should be doing???!...did i manage to confuse you again?...o well.
as you must have very correctly guessed by now...i'm BORED out of my wits. i mean, today i made an honest effort to copy some notes, and get into the whole "exam mood". but 4 pages later, i gave up. i cannot...i simply cannot do it. to make things worse, all of a sudden i've developed this insanely huge appetite...the minute i finish a meal, i'm hungry all over again!...i think it is a side effect of my boredom...o well
i'm still VERY excited about our "plan". sudu, honey...please dont get all pessimistic and give up on me, i know we can do it....all we need is a little enthusiasm. please try and work on it ok?
i cant believe what happened to baby loo. poor kid. aahaare bechara!
i've been trying to write something since yesterday, but i'm stuck at this stupid point, and just cant bring myself to produce anything. ki raag hoyna!
you know, people tend to change over time...not necessarily over a long period of time...i mean, it can be a few days, weeks or months...but nonetheless they change. so my question is: do you too act differently with them?...or just maintain your normal behaviour?
shorty gimme your desperate housewives-er dvd please....i desperately need it right now.
anyway, my mom's starting to get paranoid again, so i better run...ciao!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

...we both look weird, but i still like this pic

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

i got bored of reading the same line on my blog, and so, finally decided to post something new. i donno what it is...but something is really bothering gets worse when i'm in college, so these last few days i hardly did any classes (...though i never really need an excuse for bunking!) useless piece of information no.183: i took the metro today, on my way back, after ages.
i just realized that i dont have any of my notes and...hey...wait a second...i dont even know what the bloody syllabus includes! honestly,...i HAVE to start studying...what the hell am i doing fooling around on my blog?...shit! i'm so screwed...!!
dont you just hate it when it's time to say bye to people...i mean people you love and care about,... not the irritating guests you cant wait to get rid of! i's terrible...why do peple have to leave? why cant we all just stay together?...bhalo laagena! why does everybody have to live so far away...?
i'll go to delhi in's nearly zero degrees there right now. the weather channels are saying that this cold wave is moving towards the east...goodie! dont you just love winter?....i mean it's such a short season, but its sooo nice!
well anyway, ektu boast koreni...i drew a very nice "ganesh" today, and had some very nice bhaarer cha with shorty. she's planning to give us a treat sometime soon...cant wait! (...and i actually plan to lose weight!)
i have a very bad cold, and my throat hurts. oh...and my voice sounds like gulshan grover's! its actually rather cool for giving prank calls and stuff.
when some people act weird and you dont know what to just ignore them right?...o well, it's not important. ttyl

Sunday, December 25, 2005

have you ever been to santiniketan? i have. i've been going there every single year, ever since i can remember. you see, my mom was born and brought up there and my dad went to school there. so, the whole "rabindranath" influence has been on and around me all my life. but if you ask me, i'd say that now, it's really more of a 'sentiment' than a place, persay. it's difficult to explain this to somebody who's never been there. you can come with me the next time i go. our house there, isnt too big, and yet 20 people (or more) can be accomodated quite easily!
well, i just came back from there yesterday, so the hangover's not quite gone.
i just love december...there's so much to do! so many people come down from all over the's really something!
sudu's planning to spend a quiet new year's eve with her parents. i think that's a very good idea. arent you tired of the same people, and the same music? isnt it more fun spending time with close fiends and family over dinner and the usual, timeless "adda"?!
anyway, i hope you all had a nice christmas...have fun during the remainder of the holidays. ttyl

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

i logged on today with the intention of completing and posting something that i started writing in arjun's class. but then it struck me, that the damn was just too personal to be put up for everybody to read. as usual, it was about ME (all my writings are about me, just so you know). but this time, was outrageous.
well, since i've made up my mind not to put it up, i might as well fill you in on the utterly uninteresting events of my life.
i have a lot to look forward to this week. some of my favourite people in the world, are coming to town, and a HUGE family reunion is on the cards! yeah! yeah!
ok...totally out of context(as usual), but at times, it just feels good to behave like a six year old. dont ask me why, or what exactly i'm referring to...havent a clue,...i just know that it feels GREAT! you know...the whole tantrum-throwing; being a stubborn brat thing? it ROCKS!
college finally got over today...thank god! though, i have to admit, that this year i'm finding it more bearable than the 1st year. what do you think?
anyway, thats all for now. adios!

Monday, December 19, 2005

ever since i was a child, till this very date, everytime i meet somebody new, the first question i'm asked is "do you sing as well?"...and everytime,i reply in the negative with my usual false smile pasted on my face. truth is...i've always wanted to learn to sing. it's just that...people, (assuming that i'll do it as part of some tradition) piss me off.
but, yesterday,as i sat in that hall/chapel and heard the college choir, my old desire to learn music, came back with a bang! i have made up my mind to join the choir asap. it was the nicest thing that i'd heard in a very long time and bertie da silva (literally) took my breath away! it was PHENOMENAL!....and for those of you who werent there for me guys, you dont wanna miss it next time.
well anyway, nandini and i behaved like two starry-eyed thirteen year olds, when we went up to talk to bertie! o, and i was nice to christina as well!
the next part of the evening was..umm...well...bizarre. i dont really know what to say about recollection of it is rather hazy. i just want to apologize to the parties concerned for any embarrassment that i might have caused.
on a brighter note, i met some of my oldest friends after a very long time. we had fun in spite of me!
jaihok...i gotta go now...more later.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

"...something touched me deep inside, the day the music died...", she hummed the tune in spite of herself for perhaps the fiftieth time that evening. Then, placing her coffee mug rather precariously on the window- sill, and shivering a little as a gust of the early winter breeze rushed into the room, she wrapped her arms around herself.
Outside, the security guards and chauffeurs played a board game which from five stories high, vaguely resembled ‘ludo’. Her neighbour was doing his usual rounds of the complex with his dog, and she saw the lady in the opposite building, sitting comfortably on a divan next to the window and heard her saying into the telephone '...but you have to promise not to tell anybody'
Another cold breeze dashed in at her and pushing her hair back from her face, she finally closed the window.
5:45 pm.
The television, which she had forgotten to turn off, now played a B-grade Bengali movie. Unwittingly, she stared at the screen and watched the action take place. An ugly curly haired man was brandishing a knife rather menacingly at another man, wearing a tomato red sequined jacket over purple trousers. The latter ( as she later realized) was the hero, for he fixed a piercing gaze at the other man (obviously, the bad guy) and instantly two laser beams were emitted from his eyes, and the villain was killed.
6:30 pm.
The heap of clothes strewn over the bed had been lying there all day. She picked up her cream turtleneck sweater and, moving to the mirror, held it up against herself. It had a stain on the right sleeve. She ran her fingers through her hair. Her highlights were beginning to fade away. She considered getting that model’s colour but wondered if it would suit her complexion…oh well!
The plastic bags were neatly stacked under the mattress. She pulled out five, and not knowing what to do next, sat down and began folding the sweater.
It was pretty cold…even for winter. She wondered what the temperature was like...8 degrees, 9 degrees? Surely not higher than that! Yet, last night she’d had to turn on the fan at it’s highest speed because of the heat...and still she hadn’t been able to sleep...she’d laid awake till dawn,...her face wet; her skin hot...feverish.
An hour later she finished all her work. Picking up the guitar from its place behind the bed, she placed it on her lap and pulled at its strings. There was just one tune that she knew how to play, and she played it. He had tried teaching her other tunes, but she’d never managed to learn! It was kind o’ like that stupid move he liked so much and wanted her to do, but she never ever got it right!
8:00 pm.
She made two phone calls and brought out her bags from the bedroom. All the lights besides the reading lamp were switched off; the coffee mug was taken off the window-sill and put on the sink; the unread morning paper was placed on the rack; the hand phone was placed on the cradle; the ring was left on the table, by the ashtray.
"...something touched me deep inside, the day the music died...", she hummed the tune in spite of herself for perhaps the fifty first time that evening, and then walking out the door, she closed it behind her.

Monday, December 12, 2005

yeah! yeah!

today was one of those days when everything seems nicer and prettier than usual. you know...the sky looks bluer, the grass looks greener, the hot guy in college looks hotter, and bertie's teeth (probably) look cleaner!
i suddenly discovered that my friends, who under normal circumstances like nothing better than to seize every possible opportunity to embarrass me; and who seem to be under the impression that my pet name is 'bitch',...are actually (to quote sudu) "ok". i got loads o' cool stuff from them, including a winnie the pooh whom i've henceforth christened "poltu". (useless piece of info no.159...but what the hell...thanks, u guys!)
o well...although my day overall was a good one, i had a brief encounter with papa eaton in the morning and believe you me, that wasnt 'pretty' or 'nice'....o but we'll talk abt that later.
sudu and i gave vent to a lot of pent up frustration today...specially me...and man! it felt SO good...even at the cost of nandini's utmost consternation! sorry dude...but i just couldnt help myself!
i've become very patient of in, i listen to people...i dont blow my top as quickly as i used to, before. four people gave me the same advice regarding a present dilemma and i didnt yell at any of that nice or is that nice?! (useless piece of info no.160)...see this is what happens when people have such uninteresting lives...there's simply NOTHING worthwhile to talk about.
o btw,...congrats on the new blog tdg...i knew you'd join me soon i have 1 more person besides sudu and shorty to comment on my blog! damnit! i should've made some friends in college while there was still time!...(sigh) o well.
just when you think your future's gonna be one screwed up mess, your past comes back to haunt you and you cannot decide which is better...or for that matter, worse...what do you do then? if you know, then please let me know...a friend is in great distress (read:on the verge of insanity) and would be much relieved with a solution.
i'm gonna put up a really nice pic sometime soon..its a pic of me with the 3 men in my life....till then...adios!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

That's my valentine. Aint he cute?!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

spoilt, bratty, bitchy me!

yeah ok... i confess...i'm a spoilt brat! but hell!...'i feel good!!!' i did something very noble today..(or atleast i'm trying to convince myself that i did)...and just for the record (tdg, sudu and shorty)...there were no... lets say...'unfortunate' repurcussions!
i dont know why i started writing this...dont really have much to say at the moment. for some reason i feel like being really 'neka' and watching some really corny chick-flick wih loads o' corny dialogues. do u ever feel like that?
i finished reading 'of mice and men'....i loved it. i mean his style really appealed to me...lets see if i can get my hands on some of his other works.
i'm gonna post my nephew's picture sometime soon...i'm crazy abt that kid!...o and i'm thinking of posting some really lousy poetry just for the sake of it...i mean i havent really made a 'real' post till now have i?...o but then...who cares?! i'm too happy today to talk of depressing things...i love how i'm so superficial...small things like new clothes make my day! would you believe that?
i did something so goddamn outrageous this evening that i dare not put it up on my blog, and stand the risk of scandalizing the precious 4 readers that i have! i mean...all i can say is that it was bizarre ( even by my standards!)
you know...the more i watch desperate housewives...the more similarities i find between gabriel solis and me.... although i'm NOT having an affair with my gardener! we're both selfish and self-centred, and love luxury of all form, and we both HATE the idea of work (yuck!)...who do you think you're like?
well anyway...lemme know when you figure it out...i'm gonna go catch up on some good ol' sudoku ( bless you tdg!)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

...o well

u know...everytime you think life couldnt get any worse for you, you get a rude little shock, and find out that you've been "re-jacked" by precious best friend has a very interesting msn sign in name: 'no one dies a fucks everyone!' i couldnt agree more with her. you get everything that you wish you didnt,...and more. being taken for granted by everybody who knows you; trying to fit in and then being laughed at when you fail; realizing that you're no better than that girl you used to pick on in school; losing the only talent that you ever's a complete package...and believe it or not, it comes for free!
the funny thing is i'm not the only victim...i've seen many of my friends and aquaintances facing the same dilemma, and the ease with which they surpass that phase never fails to surprize me. this one time, i couldnt help myself and went up to this friend of mine and asked him his secret for survival. after taking a long drag from his self-rolled joint, he looked at me from behind his rimless glasses and said in a deeply philosophical voice 'dude...u just need to stop givin a damn.'
i was delighted with this simple and yet so obviously effective! i tried it for a while...almost a year, and then gave up. that's what i always do...give up. my old maths sir used to say this to me all the time...'you give up too easily'. i know i do...i'm a quitter. it's not like i dont give 'a damn'....ofcourse i do...i mean..why shouldnt people give a damn? why is it ok to say 'screw you' and feel triumphant? i just lack determination of any kind, shape or form. i was talking to nandini yesterday...and she's equally confused...why dont people give a damn? do you think i should write a book on this? "why dont you give a damn?" could well become as famous as "who is john galt?"....afterall they're both important questions. do you think i'm being too caustic?
dont you just hate sundays? i think it is the worst day of the week...yes..worse than mondays. on a monday, you know that you've gotta work for six more days...the useless week of redundant labour has already begun....but it's the anticipation of it on a sunday evening that makes it ten times worse.
o well...

Saturday, November 26, 2005

...back again

i got up at 9:15 am today, and realizing that i'd miss madhuja's class, took my own sweet time and got ready for bertie's (the old bloke kicked me out on tuesday!) well anyay, just before i left sudu lemme know that class had been cancelled, so i called them over to my place. to our surprize, TDG also turned up an hour later. Well,...we put our heads together and thought very hard about somebody whose character we could assassinate,...but being the most unsocial people in st. xavier's college, we couldnt come up with a single scandalous person whom we all know and could ravage;... so by popular choice we turned to the next favourite pass time of our group...eating. Adequately fed, and watered, we left my place, as tanaji and myself had a 'moral' obligation to fulfill....bangla class.
We went to forum where we ran into 2 people i of whom i wasnt particularly thrilled to see.
i have 2 weddings to go to today...have to start getting dressed soon
i wish i could've gone to delhi with my mom...i miss loo! (my nephew)
nandini you're such a lucky bitch! egypt and florida back to back...while i rot here in cal! ( na i love kolkata!)
i've written about a quarter of a poem...will post it once i finish...though who could possibly be interested to read it, i simply cant think!
yesterday i dreamt that i had an was pretty freaky. lately i've been trying to interpret my own dreams...and everytime, i get a firmer confirmation of my insanity.
sasha...if you're reading this then i should let you let you know that this is persona nos. 15: the girl with closure!
anyway, i gotta run...ttyl

Friday, November 25, 2005

i dont know...1st entry? i finally have an account of my own. nandini, who offered to open it for me (when i failed to do it myself even after 7 attempts), made me promise that i'd thank her for her know...mention her in my first entry and all that. so here goes...THANK YOU SHORTY!
..well, i dont really have much to say at the moment... (to the only 4 people who will ever read this besides myself...bless 'em!) i guess we're all still fuming over india's disgraceful performance in the city. after the first ten overs of the 1st innings, i started reading "harry potter and the order of the phoenix", which i'd borrowed from sudu (one of those charming people who might read my blog!)...and now that nandini has opened my account, i'm officially "blogging" for the first time in my life. yeah! yeah!
...anyway, it's almost time for 'desperate housewives' so more later...