the one thing that i truly love doing is giving people advice....seriously...gyan gyan and more gyan. just ask me, and i'll give u as much of it as i can. problems at home, love issues, ego hassles, feeling crappy for being alive....whatever your reason may be,...never fear when preeta is near. the funny thing is that, when it comes to myself...thats when my down-syndrome-affected self takes over, and i'm pretty much lost.
i mean, say i tell a friend not to worry abt something, or to just take it easy...my attitude changes when it comes to myself.
the lousiest thing is having to pretend in front of your best friend or closest friends...i mean if ur pissed off at them, n u cant really say anything. then again, my expectations maybe too high...i dont know, if something's up with my friends, i'd expect n hope that they'd confide in me, n not some random arsehole that they meet, or once knew, or whatever. i mean its all very well to get ur ego into this, say that u dont give a flying fuck...but honestly...who are u kidding?
u start wondering why u give a damn abt some people, when they obviously dont care two boots abt u...what do u do then?...just get on with life i suppose...go watch a movie together, or bond over a cosmo, or go out for rolls...i dont know...be normal...?
they wouldnt even have known each other had it not been for u...and now all of a sudden you're left out of it...i mean seriously...what the fuck?
i hate it when it rains...i detest monsoon...when i move out of cal, i want to go somewhere that it never ever rains...
some people just make u lose your individuality...my advice to you...stay away from them...seriously...please...avoid them. i'll tell u why...when they're gone...(n they eventually will, no matter what they tell u or u say to urself)... a part of u (that has been so totally affected my them) goes away as well.
anyway, this is completely arbit n totally pointless...so whatever...

...so hey...people dont really read blogs nowadays...not mine at any rate, so technically speaking, i'm posting this for myself...i mean to read myself, when i'm bored stiff, and have absolutely NOTHING better to do with my dreary life. things are a little weird right now. i dont want to get all super-personal, and make this uninteresting post even more pointless, and vague. but...i'm a lot of different things all at once...relieved, worried, excited, bored, jealous, not-jealous...u know...a lot of totally contradictory things.
cannot wait for this week to get over though....its been too long(in every sense) gee, i dont know...next week means bangla exams...n i'm NOT looking forward to that. as per calcutta university rules, boys n girls have to write their exams in different colleges,... so tanaji and i cant help each other in the hall like we usually do. i dont get these idiots...i seriously dont. do they think kids are gonna start makin out if they're in the same room or what?! i mean honestly...its just retarded.
achha this whole accessing-blogs-via-ninja-proxy thing is getting really irritating. is this a permanent thing?...does anybody know?
o well...

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you,
Love, in fire and blood.

-Pablo Neruda

i dont know wat happened to the damn format...but doesnt this totally remind u of "with or without you"?...bad, bad Bono!